| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|01:19 pm] |
it's been a while, again.
so, my life in non-chronological order:
1. Dustin and I are now owners of a cat. Her name is Madeline, but that seems to change daily. we're bad at sticking to it. we are, however, phenomenal at being crazy old lady gay cat fanatics. She's probably the best cat ever, and i say this after a good amount of exposure to some amazing amazing pets. My love for her is disgusting, watch out.
here's our girl:
2. i didn't even mention that i went to hawaii! WOW. going there was completely a "how stella got her groove back" trip for me, only i didn't fall in love with a dark handsome man, or even have sex for that matter. story still applies though. totally. it was awesome, i love dustin for being a great friend and being super hospitable, and i'm still in the process of writing my zine about it; slowly but surely i'm sneaking it into my slacking minutes at work and late nights in bed at home.
3. there's talk in the air of a relocation of sorts. not a job-type thing at all, but i'm still on the hush hush till i feel like it's real.
4. i need to confess that i would put sheryl crow's 'my favorite mistake' in a list of my top 20 all time favorite songs. i even bought the cassingle when it came out in 1998 (i think?), when i think i was too busy being a raver or whatever the kids were doing then. what a hit though!
5. i've recently (read: starting this past tuesday) made a change to my 'look'. Latasha (my coworker) calls it "dressing for the job you want, not the one you have" I call it trying to impress my vendor crush.
6. In dealing with crushes and dating: whereas 2004-2007 were some dark ages, 2008 has me feeling like my head is spinning. There was the summertime meaningless affair, the memorial day into birthday time 'thing', and i've gained some momentum with my successes since then. i swore off falling into anything when i got realistic a while back, and as a result of it i don't expect any cosmic connections to appear instantly and sweep me away. In an ideal situation, i'd find someone i get along with, am attracted to, and we'd respectfully date each other for an extended period of time with no pressure to fall into anything involving any crazylove on either end. Should we find ourselves talking all the time and hanging out everyday, i'd call it something. i should mention that i broke my rule #1 recently (you know, the rule about dropping your pants in front of a first date stranger). In truth, at first i thought he wasn't really my type, but i actually liked him and felt comfortable, soooooooo. but that fell through; apparently my gut isn't what i thought it was.
oh, and i won't talk about my long standing crush. not here at least.
6. heather and i are cosmic lovers, in case you didn't get the memo. remember this? :
well, we got impulsive on sunday. say hello to best friends, part deux:
we're pretty sick. and at 80, we'll be wrinkly best friends with shit marks on our arms. i can't wait.
7. i've been going to san francisco every other week for about 2 days for work. I don't get to do much for myself, but i somehow find time to give myself an hour or two to do something when i'm there. what started as exciting now almost feels like regular life. it's weird and makes me feel spoiled that i get the best of 2 coasts at my fingertips (albeit one of them for a flash in time), but i justify it as a small perk for the endless hours of stress i'm up against in the office. but no work talk. when i look back and read this in 5 years like i've been doing with my old lj (who WAS i anyway? major douchechills), i don't want to remember it. i do, however, want to remember these meals at herbivore and weird fish:
so many pictures this time! sorry doodz.
ok, time to go and make candied orange cake. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|01:33 pm] |
well, i'm 28. weird.
things have changed so much over the past few months.
- dustin and i are now murray hill inhabitants, and our little gentrified & whitewashed building has been off to a good start. most nights, i still have phantom heather sensations, like when people lose limbs in battle or something. thank god for the biggest loser tuesdays, which i normally spend all week looking forward to. oh, my bestie.
- i've become food crazy. i went back to being vegan, and feel much better about it. then i read the omnivore's dilemma and am almost through animal vegetable miracle, and now i want to make my own cheese. living in manhattan has pushed me into a strict budget, and i've cut all corners so that all of my expenses go toward food, which i'm doing my best to keep local. angie got me my very own herb garden for my bday, and my dreams of being an urban farmer will soon be realized. clearly, all signs are pointing toward life outside of ny, this vapid soul-less place i've still not been able to call 'home' after 3+ years.
- i got assigned the san francisco store as my project for the first half of 2009, and the georgetown flagship for the second half, so i can breathe a slight sigh of relief that i'll still have a job for at least another year. also, i'm hoping that traveling to SF a few times will help me find a way out of my nyc slump.
- megan and i had the best vacation ever at the beginning of this month; we drove from seattle back to ny via the southwest in a convertible, and i couldn't type enough to describe how amazing it was. we're already planning our trip back to santa fe next year, which is one of the most romantic and enchanting and spirited places i've been. i have about 1000 pictures thanks to megan's digital SLR splurge, but if we're facebook or myspace friends you've probably seen them already. i also successfully got megan addicted to SONIC limeades.
- oh, dating. i'd been seeing the same person since ealry summer, and it looks like it's finally at an end. i admit it: i stayed in it because i'm greedy and didn't want to be alone, and i did date other people at the same time. for that, yeah, i'm probably a jerk. but, our relationship was never fully defined, and a lot of things that should make sense and be simple just weren't. I ruined my own birthday by asking for something basic and not getting it, and i can only be mad at myself for not realizing i was thinking wrong when expecting things from an incredibly selfish source. Really, my anger comes from being beat to the finish line before i could be the one to take charge, but live and learn. later debbie d, you cheap scrub.
rule #1 of being 28: avoid complacency.
rule #2: keep losing heart.
rule #3: listen to heather.
ruin, ruining our relay |
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| [almost] 28 |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|06:45 am] |
I'm dying to tell you I'm dying. |
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| also: |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|04:54 pm] |
i stole this.
1. Add a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot.
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It’s actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I’ll assume you’re playing the game and I’ll come to your blog and leave one about you.
i need a new job, clearly. |
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| let's go under cover. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|04:51 pm] |
| [ | j'ecoute |
| | ann marie diaz | ] |
well, i find myself in a familiar place today: at work, with a ton of work in front of me and no end in sight. hello remedy.
i've got 4 days left in my apartment with heather. i'm not ready to talk about it. really, just find me the proper emotion to attach to this.
my theme for 2008: regression.
right when i thought i was on the verge of breaking my 4 year run of defensive dating, i found myself in the middle of some weird, strange confusing exchange which i can't quite define. Somehow i feel like i made my personal best attempt at letting the guard down, and i got results i hadn't anticipated. a stalemate?
Anyway, its weird. here's this person i really liked, i got along with, was attracted to, and didn't get tired of, annoyed, or freaked out by. I even got my wish of things developing moderately slowly and organically. however, it didn't end up working. on this, we agreed. now though, despite my best efforts to keep my guard up and write him off, we're still chatting. yeah, its friend talk, and our [read:my] lines are drawn, but i made it very clear that i wasn't into jumping over to friendshipville too quick. of course, he disregards that completely, and i've done little to make it stop. looks like the old dog can't ice em out as well as he used to. shucks.
part deux: i do nothing but listen to music from the late 90s and early 00s. shit, i've even rediscovered old bands i had written off. i want the days of shows in small venues back. i also want the return of the car sing-a-long. oh, and i've decided to get the most embarrassing lyrics tattooed on my body. ever. but, i'll be 30 soon enough, and if i'm still not embarrassed by overly emotional song lyrics that were spawned from an angry and emotional late 90s youth, then so be it. and yes, im saying 'it' without saying 'it'
I think, but i'm not sure that dustin and i found a place to live. i'm not gonna talk about it much though, cause nothing is finalized. here's what i will talk about: the laotia and gladys review today, walking through the streets of manhattan with cash in their underpants. we live together, and get ready for some SERIOUS shit.
man, is it 530 yet? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2008|10:05 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | j'ecoute |
| | someone still loves you boris yeltsin | ] |
dear livejournal,
its probably about time for a check-in. plus, there's nothing on tv, i never got dressed today, and i'm not up for cleaning.
a few things:
1. I just got substantially promoted at work. On paper, i'm officially a professional. I'd like to think that i'm still not a subscriber to corporate america [read: living a lie], but having the "coordinator" dropped from your job title sure feels good. So, for the next few months at least, i can live comfortably and maybe even afford to buy myself something fancy, like appetizers with dinner or sneakers i'll only wear once a week.
2. I don't update here ever, because i'm either busy or working on my foodblog. If you haven't read it yet, please add this to your google reader: http://eatandsigh.blogspot.com . My ultimate goal is to get paid to blog so i never have to spend another day outside of sweatpants, so tell your friends. Really though, it's pretty much just a retelling of foods i haven't fucked up with a whole lot of heather kelly namedropping.
3. speaking of, i'm living every day like august isn't ever going to come, and at the same time i think i'm getting myself ready for it more than i realize. Maybe my weekend avoidance of the apartment can have some good come out of it after all. but seriously though, i miss sleeping on saturday nights. I want one more year to do things right: a cute 2 bedroom apartment with a big kitchen, a living room, a couch, and a table where we can leave rummikub always out and ready to go. The next time i get bored enough to do one of those stupid myspace surveys where they ask about regrets of your life, i'll know exactly what to use. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
4. i did my laundry for the first time in almost 2 years, today instead of dropping it off. who am i?
5. Sometimes i think having crushes are the most fun, ever. angie says stockholm syndrome, and i say dreamy. having crushes are just like riding a bike- you forget how everything goes until you're there again. Don't worry, i've already planned the first and third date (the second one is best left to spontaneity), and 4 tracks for the mix cd. Too bad life always gets in the way.
6. oh, and here's another "who am i" thing: I got my eyebrows threaded. I know, i know. there you are, judging and thinking "fa-ggot". But hear me out! Really, i just wanted to see what it feels like, i was bored while Alexia was getting the greek ripped off of her, and it was only $6!!! Also, those are some of the most persuasive bitches in those threading salons, lemme tell you. One spark of curiosity and then the next thing i knew i was chin up with a boob on my cheek feeling like i was going to come out of there looking either like: a. that girl in high school who didn't know when to say 'enough' with the tweezers, or that guy on 8th avenue who calls jeans by their designer names instead of saying"jeans". But I digress. Anyway, no more 3" eyebrow hairs, hk.
7. I'd really, really like to be in a dance crew.
I've got pizza to write about and some leftovers to eat. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|08:30 am] |
I'm obsessed.
i'm 27 on sunday, whoa. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|08:54 pm] |
Tampa and Austin, here i come!
anyone in either area, get at me. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2007|02:16 pm] |
For the first time since Apr. 03, I finally have a day here at work where I am fully caught up, have nothing on my desk waiting for an urgent approval, and no ongoing projects. As an added bonus, my bosses are both out today, so I get to sit here online and be bored for the rest of the afternoon. it rules.
On the job front, life is slightly better. I'm responsible for a lot of stuff now, and have almost all of the stress that comes along with a 'career' job. My corporate credit card [finally] came yesterday, sealing my status as a fancy lady. I went to Austin and loved it, went to Denver for the quickest business trip ever, and have no clue where I'm going next, so that's exciting. After almost 4 long years, I also finally get to take a proper vacation, and Megan and I leave on June 8. It's going to be super nice to be across the country, near a beach, and 3000 miles away from New York. This weekend, Dustin is coming upstate with me for some good eats, long drives with the windows down, and major pool lounging time.
I started leaving my workout routine for greener pastures, and Jayson and I have been doing yoga. I know I naysayed for a long time, but I'm beginning to really like it. HOWEVER, according to the dermatologist, either something at the gym or the cats gave me my latest caucasian-induced skin problem, so maybe I was right all along. I honestly don't think the cats have anything, so my money's on the skanky mats. The doctor yesterday was super standoffish and basically told me that although it was my allergies, she had to treat me for scabies as a precaution because i live in Brooklyn. So, I did as I was told, and heather stepped up as a best friend and put the cream on my back. now thats love.
For the record though, to avoid all internet miscommunication, i am indeed scabies free.
My biggest recent dream was finally realized last week when I finally got to see electrelane play. Although they didn't play everything I would have liked to hear, they put on 2 of the best shows I've been to in a long time. I'm saying though: wow.
Speaking of music, imeem has become a big part of my days in the office. what a genius idea! The other day I spent the afternoon listening to the carpenters, and then 'we are the world'
I'm also obsessed with the early day miner's offshore album, and Magnolia Electric Co.
Tonight is date night with Heather, and then Monday she's leaving for Italy for 2 months. I don't think I've really let myself absorb this, so I'm probably going to be a mess next week and the week after. It's funny: even though we don't get to see each other a lot with the way our schedules are set up, I rely heavily on her being around and home in order to feel comfortable in the apartment. I take it for granted too much and am a lot more codependent than I think I let on to be, so shame on me. One time when I was little, my mom and stepdad went on a week cruise and left us home with my aunt Ellen, and I carried my mom's sweater around with me and cried in to it the whole time she was gone. Something like this will probably happen again with hk; who knows, maybe I'll walk around with her diva cup for two months. Lucky for us, everyone in the office calls Italy daily, so I can sneak in daily calls to her cell phone and gossip on diesel's dime.
Ever since I finished reading Kafka on the Shore, I haven't been able to read anything else. Instead, I play pool on my phone everyday on the commute. I want to be good at crosswords, or better at sudoku.
Since I'm on the phone a lot here, I doodle a lot. I wrote this on my desktop calendar, where stuff for may 17th should have been:
Ventre, plein de pain!
ma camarade parle trop!
pas de sucre! defense de manger!
ou sont mes shade sensors?
Xpondr for PMT & RA
This is why I'm always confused. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|04:56 pm] |
| [ | j'ecoute |
| | electrelane - saturday | ] |
i just asked dawn if i were to take one of her french fries and wrap it around a mega M&M, would she eat it, and she gave me a dirty look.
clearly i work with all the wrong people.
that said, here i am with a delightful mix of savory and sweet playing around in my mouth, enjoying my one (lie) junk food binge of the day, totaling no more than 10% of my daily calorie intake.
i went to bed early last night to try and get a good night's sleep, and i woke up at 445 with a sore throat and clogged ears. now ive spent all day feeling gross and wishing i could just binge on gc w/ tomatoes and fries with mayo. no! i am behaving. i am eating quinoa, yogurt, fresh juice, nut clusters, and water.
i have to go to the gym tonight, regardless of my state.
i got offered the coordinator position at work, and its exciting. Not so exciting, however, is what they're offering for pay. So, I'm amidst my first ever negotiating process, and I just don't want to back down.
sidenote: while the men at work aren't the most attractive, the butt display here more than makes up for its shortcomings in beauty. so much plump!
ipod shuffle give ipods their own personalities. i mean it: my ipod was feeling my mood the other day, and today it seems to refuse to let anything moderately mellow into the mix. One time i put a swans cd on it (i didn't love the album, but i figured i might want to hear it one day), and every time i put it on shuffle, it would play at least 2 songs from it. my ipod also loves the undertones.
weird.
im lonely, and my skin does nothing but itch lately. |
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| nous sommes les arrières meres et peres |
[Feb. 13th, 2007|01:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 700 9th floor | ] |
| [ | j'ecoute |
| | ike+tina - all i can do is cry. | ] |
neglected, neglected livejournal.
I want to have lots of news to report, but things feel more stagnant than ever.
I think i finally realized that i need to move on from the current 'whatever' it is thats going on. Yesterday, i found out a lot of things i think i needed to hear to make up my mind, and i'm thankful it came out before i had to put myself out on a limb. so, my ego and pride are intact.
Am i as judgmental as i think i am?
speaking of no judgments, i've halfway fallen off my gym regiment that i was following, mainly due to the 'motivator' who made me actually employ "pedantic" into my vernacular. I know i shouldnt let that be a serious thing, but i'm a fickle gym-goer. i like my privacy and my space, and once it's gone, im happy to go back to deep frying and fat acceptance. I'll go back this week, since i need to grow up, but i'm not going back to my preferred gym for a while, better amenities or not.
I feel uncomfortable even mentioning it, albeit on the internet, but its all i can think about anymore: i'm a binge eater, and i think i need help. I've tried to be as academic as i could with my approach, but i just dont think i can manipulate my food obsession into anything other than it is. From wake to sleep, i'm thinking about meals, snacks, treats, and the subsequent guilt. I recognize the problem, but at the core of me, i have no desire to rectify my obsession, or my impulsive actions. Even if i try to eat healthy for a day, i feel like i'm denying myself of something more important than anything else around me. I can go days without smoking at will, but to limit myself on food or intake is something that puts fear in me and i find myself making plans for the next cheat, the next guilt-free meal, and the next time i can be able to get out of my head. I'm going upstate this weekend, and all i can think about is where i'll eat friday, the food we'll get for the hotel room, the brunch on sunday, and how much fat i'm uncontrollably putting into my body.
Thank god for dustin, i just dont say it enough. Sometimes, you know when someone 'gets you' in that sincere and not cheesy way at all? Thats Laos. Everything's better with some laos on it.
Last night the internet came through for me. That's weird. but oh, what a night.
I couldve been in vegas right now, had i taken the job they offered me. I couldve also been a lot more financially stable. I wonder if i wouldve been happier though. I stayed put in the office, hoping to get the position ive been doing unofficially, and nothing has changed. As it turns out, i dont even get to go to the opening i had wanted to take part in, and i think ive officially shot myself in the foot. fongule.
here's a poem i wrote on a post-it while i was on hold with TotalFacility:
avoir honte de pleurer, c'est pas rare, il me connait, ce'st tout.
wow, tu m'as etonné! là il y avait un silence, et il est partie:
remplacé par une histoire de bitte.
cinquante ans? une semaine?
remplacé par un courriel. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|11:04 pm] |
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
made out with a random guy at a party
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didnt make any, but this year i did, so we'll see
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
i don't think so, no
4. Did anyone close to you die?
does jack count? i'd say yes
5. What countries did you visit?
none, boo.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
l-o-v-e
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
ugh, july 31st.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
i finally stoped being a full-time salesperson
9. What was your biggest failure?
probably staying at diesel
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i feel like my throat hurt a lot
11. What was the best thing you bought?
aebn.com, enough said.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
heather's
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my own, and others i know
14. Where did most of your money go?
rent, and eating out
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing s-k for the last time
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
electrelane those pockets/partisan
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? equally complacent
ii. thinner or fatter? probably thinner, but i do go to the gym now pretty regs
iii. richer or poorer? same
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
vacay, reading, and learning
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
working, eating, and chasing after stupid guys
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
well, it just happened, but at my parents, as usual
22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
with my neighborhood, and that's about it
23. How many one-night stands?
none
24. What was your favorite TV program?
heroes and dog the bounty hunter
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i don't think so
26. What was the best book you read?
i fianlly got around to reading watership down, and loved it.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
jim yoshii, which i'm about 10 years too late for
28. What did you want and get?
a deep fryer!
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
hero kinda ruled
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
spent way too much time worrying about where to go and learned that staying at home is better, and i turned 26
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
having a bf, and a better job
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
if it's free, i'll wear it
34. What kept you sane?
hk, ang, and chinamex
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i'm kind of in love with the guy who plays jim on the office
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
remember how saddam died and no one noticed?
37. Who did you miss?
brian, my family, and almost always angie
38. Who was the best new person you met?
i met dustin in 2005, but he's still the best
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006?
let makeouts stay as makeouts
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
open the dark curtain/the sky is just getting light
we stay right where we are/all the way til tonight |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|01:46 am] |
i got pash rash at the holiday party, lost my lip ring, spent $30 on a cab to a bar and then home, and now said pash rasher is passed out in my bed, sideways.
yowza. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 770/9 | ] |
| [ | j'ecoute |
| | mirah - 100 knives. | ] |
i had so much to talk about, and its already 5:30 and i've only got a window of about 10 minutes before i have to start looking busy again.
my weekend turned into a whirlwind, and i havent really gotten a good night's sleep in a long, long time. (read: 2 days). but, it has been well worth it.
maybe theres something there that might be attainable, and maybe im lying to myself (which ive convinced myself is true)
i'm so, so, so awkward.
and even more so crazy. I'd piss on things if i could. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|04:08 pm] |
yowza, having an office job can be awesome, but i find that i spend most of my day in a sugar coma with a giant headache from drinking soda and eating smarties till my gums burn.
i'm nervous for tomorrow when i get to see exactly how much of a pay cut i took to get here.
i finally got health insurance and glasses! last night i went and picked them up, and they made me feel all dizzy and my eyeballs ached, but i can see people's faces, read screens, and haven't squinted much today. I also cut all of my hair off last night in an effort to match my glasses, and with my beard, i'm afraid i look like i have an eggplant head.
2 nights ago i walked to key foods to get some salad and a burrito, and i started to get that annoying yet really comforting lonely feeling that i've come to hate/love so much. no jim yoshii after dark, that's the new rule.
alex came to visit on saturday, and i made her spend the night so we could hang out and i could be an annoying older brother for another day, and when we went to eckerd on sunday, there was a marathon on my front door. i love, love, love short shorts. there were so many french people in the city this weekend, it ruled.
oh, so i turned 26, and the next time my gut tells me to stay home, i'm gonna listen. I had fun and all, but i feel like its couldve been a bit better if we couldve stayed in and played that new power zahtzee i'm dying to get my hands on. My friends all know me too well, and i got a new deep fryer (!!), an immersion blender(!!), lots of cookbooks, a cardigan, knit tops, books, and the tri-blend shirt ive been wanting to buy but was too cheap to get. All in all, it was a really happy day, and i only wish i didnt have to work. The day after my mom came with alex and she took us out to lunch and then to the bodies exhibit, which was mindblowing. so creepy!
so, heather and i are also in the market for a new roommate, since brianna's moving out. this is the last thing id really like to be dealing with right now, especially considering the upcoming season and my inevitable retreat from the real world until after jan 15. buuuuut, we're forced to find someone to live next with, hopefully who doesnt mind that i watch tv to fall asleep, likes cats, and is willing to be in a moderately small apartment in a pretty awesome neighborhood.
don't.even.get.me staaaarted!
i feel like im about to fall asleep at my desk, which i've sufficiently supplied with candy, cookies, and savory snacks to last me through the winter season.
time to file some stuff and finish my powerpoint. its boring, but believe me when i say i love it. |
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